How did it change your life, or her life? Yes, I know men have been raped, but I%26#039;m asking women. Unless a man is gay, he doesn%26#039;t have to have the same type of sex over and over, in the same way he was raped. Heterosexual women do. I%26#039;m asking how it changed your (or her) attitude about sex, if it did, and how different you think your life would be, or your friend%26#039;s life,if you/she had never been raped?Women who%26#039;ve been raped, or know someone...?I was date raped as a virgin, and had my throat cut and was scarred for life. I felt like someone had come along and stepped on a bug (me) and killed it, except, I didn%26#039;t die. I sometimes wish I had died. I didn%26#039;t know the guy well enough to find him or anything, so I never pressed charges. He just was supposed to take me back to a friend%26#039;s house, because I didn%26#039;t want to go to a party where ther would be drugs. Anyway, I couldn%26#039;t because I couldn%26#039;t tell my Mother. She was very religious. I told her I was mugged.
It changed my attitude about sex. I decided that it didn%26#039;t really matter, and that if you said %26quot;No,%26quot; that you would be raped, and that I would never say %26quot;No,%26quot; again. Anything was better than getting raped again. I mentally turned the tables on guys and started seducing them, and leaving them. No reason to stick around. It wouldn%26#039;t work out anyway.
I still don%26#039;t trust men, and I don%26#039;t let anyone get too close to me. I don%26#039;t like any man enough to give them the ability to hurt me. I married a man, who seemed great, and then he became physically abusive, so I divorced him, and I don%26#039;t think I will ever marry again. I would never trust my life to anyone else. I thought he would help me, but he messed me up more.
I%26#039;ve had plastic surgery for the scars, and lot%26#039;s of therapy, but it doesn%26#039;t help. I have to be drunk to have sex (even with my ex-husband.) I have horrible panic attacks, and shake and have dry heaves from fear. I have chronic insomnia. I have twice tried to commit suicide.
Without this one man, and that one night, I think I would have remained a virgin until I married,and I think I would have a happy marriage. Looking back, I was too naive, and too protected, and the fact that I knew virtually nothing about sex made me an easy target.
I take daily medication for depression, and I%26#039;m on disability because of the insomnia, suicides, and time spent in %26quot;rest hospitals.%26quot; Everyday, I see what is left of the scars on my neck, and I can never forget. I really wish I had just bled to death.Women who%26#039;ve been raped, or know someone...?I was molested by my own cousin when I was around 5-6. He was more than 10 years older. It happened in my own house. Nobody was home and he finished piano lesson(mum%26#039;s a music teacher). Nobody knew about this but my god sister and a few close guy friends and the last guy i had a relationship with.
After that I never trusted anyone. It was hard for me to be open to anyone. The last relationship I had was hard. I still have vision about that day. When I%26#039;m making out or having sex with my man, I always imagine of how I need to take revenge of the male species or how my man would hurt me.
I%26#039;ve felt very fearful for life ever since. It%26#039;s been really hard. I can%26#039;t love or trust anyone openly and willingly. It%26#039;s made it hard to maintain a relationship for me. And it hurts but that%26#039;s how it is...Women who%26#039;ve been raped, or know someone...?Bangalore (in India), although geographically one of the safest cities, is a very dangerous city for women, especially the foreign tourists. The foreign tourists need to learn that they don%26#039;t go wearing skimpy stuff on the streets of Bangalore. If they wear anything skimpy there is a 99.99% that they will be raped/molested if they are alone or with a group of female friends.... In Bangalore we read of a rape case almost everyday. Only half of the rape incidents become rape convictions. Most of them die if gang- raped, or become mentally ill or erotophobic. So it%26#039;s kind of hard to say what they feel.I haven%26#039;t been able to have truly emotional relationships... I%26#039;ve actually been raped twice. The first time was someone I didn%26#039;t know and the second was an ex boyfriend that I trusted and he misused my trust. I haven%26#039;t been able to seriously date anyone since that happened... I%26#039;ve tried, but I just can%26#039;t make myself trust anyone since that happened... I dated someone but he would physically abuse me and he cheated on me with two other women. After that, I haven%26#039;t seriously dated anyone in 2 years. I%26#039;m still very angry about it and I did get counseling, but I%26#039;ve recently reached a point where I%26#039;m finally learning to trust men. Of course, I don%26#039;t date easily anymore, and I really watch who I date, but you can%26#039;t really judge what type of man you date, based on what he shows you... I thought that Jeremy - the abusive ex - was the perfect guy... but obviously, he proved that entirely wrong. So I%26#039;m very very emotionally scarred from being raped twice... I have security issues, where I absolutely have to have my door locked. I%26#039;m afraid to walk anywhere - day or night - alone. I don%26#039;t trust guys very easily, and I have a lot of trouble having emotional sex.
Edit - I never pressed charges, for either rape. I was 13 when the first one happened and 14 when the second happened. I didn%26#039;t want to report them because I didn%26#039;t want my mom to find out, because I knew she%26#039;d be mad at me.I was a very long time ago from a guy who was ment of been my boyfriend but ive learned over the years to get on with my life. Im 30 now and i was 18 when it happened. At the time, i couldn%26#039;t even go out with guys, (im lesbian now) BUT im not gay because of what happened to me. I knew before about my sexuality a long time before i was 17. (13). But back on about it, i didnt really trust any guys afterwards and if any got too serious with me (ie as in wanting sex) i finished it with them. So i guess you can say that for some people they find it hard to commit sexually into a relationship. One guy who was really sweet and a decent guy (i was 19) i remember i totally freaked out DURING sex with him. Not because of how he was but because of something he said and how he said it. For some reason it brought pictures flooding back into my mind and i totally freaked out. Then by 21 i admitted to myself about my sexuality. However, it didnt make much difference. I was fine (intermatly) right up till about 4 years ago. And for no reason really i just freaked out with my partner, (who id like to add is still my partner to this day).
Im fine now (hope so anyway). I dont believe all guys are like that, i still trust some guys and i have some really good straight guy friends. I cant really think about what id be like if it had never happened, because as far as im aware im now over it and leave a normal life.
My bestfriend back in school was raped by her dad when she was 11. She now is my age and apart from her not having anything to do with him, she lives a normal life now and is happy, married and has two children. I cant say its been easy for her as it hasnt as she did have trust issues with guys to start with. After it happened she didnt have sex with a guy till she was 22 as she just couldnt be intermate with them.I have been and i can say that your life does change dramatically on multiple levels like many of the women have already stated. I am agree with most of the women that attitudes and behaviors change, and in time yes you heal but you never forget. And it will forever alter and change your future relationships.I was never raped but had rape be attempted on me but got away. I don%26#039;t know how i would be if it happen. I might have shut down and not let any one near me. I know some one who was raped and for the longest time didn%26#039;t date no one. She finally got over it though is dating again. as far as the sex thing i am not sure but she is dating ten years later. so she worked on it and i think she is learning to trust again. a good support system would be good for her. then one who has been raped. and needs to know it isn%26#039;t her fault and some one to talk to would be much needed also.I work with people who have been the victims of assault. Everyone who has been assaulted is effected to some degree, some more than others. For some of my male victims ( the gay and straight) it seems to effect them on a different level than women. Usually when men are raped there is more than one assailant. I have only had a few men who were raped by one solitary male and in those cases drugs were involved to make them compliant. To clarify something for you.... not all gay men have anal intercourse. There are actually quite a few that do no more with their partners than fellatio and things of a sexual nature. For some of my women, sex with their partners was difficult after wards. It created a type of anxiety during sex. I have one lady now who has not been able to orgasm by any means since her rape 2 years ago. In time I hope she will be able to enjoy sex with her husband, but only time will tell. Some women have never been able to orgasm since it becomes very psychological in nature. It would honestly take me too long to list all the different symptoms or situations that I have come across in dealing with rape. In regards to how I think my life would change... I really cannot say. Everyone is so different and you really never know how you are going to deal with something like that until it actually happens to you and what circumstances are involved in the rape. I do have a friend who was raped 8 years ago. She has not married or dated since then. I have been trying to work with her for the past year and she is improving. She also has a therapist that she is seeing and that is doing some good to help her situation. Her life changed dramatically. She is starting to shop alone, before she did not even drive to work by herself. In the end I can say that for some rape is more than just something physical that can happen to you. It can be a life altering experience that you never recover from, or it could be a bump in the road where you move on with your life. I can say that I hope it never happens to you, or anyone you know. Hope this helped answer your question. I do apologize for the length! :)It only changes you as much as you allow it to change you.I had a very hard time trusting men; I was also very embarrassed about it. For a long time I though “what if I didn’t” or “what if I had of”. This guy was one of my good friends he hurt be very badly I never expected it.
For a while there I couldn%26#039;t leave the house because I was afraid of what would happen to me. My mother and father supported me through the whole time. I don’t know what I would have done without them. For a while there I was ready to give up, I had to go on lo van (anti-depressant) and ciprimil (anti-anxiety) for a while.
I can proudly say that 5 years since it happened I am not afraid to talk about it. I am not embarrassed anymore. It still hurts and haunts me sometimes I will never be the same again. But I am alive I am strong and I am a survivor!
Yes it did change my outlook on sex, because that man took something so special from me I wasn%26#039;t willing to just give myself to anyone. I have been in a great relationship with a man for two years. He treats me like a goddess and we both have boundaries. It did take me quite a long time to get to that point with him though.My friend%26#039;s mom was raped and it resulted in his birth. I never noticed any strange or fearful behaivor, but I don%26#039;t know anything about her sex life, sorry.My mother said she got raped once. She never told anyone about it but she was affected for a while. As a result, she doesn%26#039;t give her trust to people, especially guys, very easily but at the same time, she is strong as hell from the experience.I%26#039;ve never had sex in the first place, but now I just really don%26#039;t want to. I have no trust for men. It is so hard for me to be in any type of room alone with a man. Every time a guy so much as looks at me I%26#039;m afraid of what they might do. I%26#039;m always afraid of their intentions.
I used to have REALLY bad panic attacks due to this, but now they don%26#039;t happen that often. I do think that if it hadn%26#039;t of happened, I would be much more trusting and possibly not a virgin. I haven%26#039;t even really had a boyfriend since then, because I%26#039;m always afraid of their intentions.in India, it is too difficult for them to face.My friend has been raped. This is how she feels about it:
%26quot; Yes it in fact changed my life, because I%26#039;v%26#039;e relived it many years. When I have sex, if it%26#039;s aggressive or rough or certain things are done, it takes me back to that moment. The sodomized me, forced me to perform oral sex, as well as vaginal intercourse. It%26#039;s difficult for me to really enjoy sex. If that hadn%26#039;t happened, I would find more pleasure in it and be a lot more comfortable with it.....It took 2 clinical psychologist to get my life back on track, and find comfort with myself. It makes me want to either stay in a monogamous relationship or just be celibate. I guess being raped, Its more than just an act....Its used to over power someone...to make your victim feel helpless. So, I%26#039;ve tried for years to overcome it and tell myself I wasn%26#039;t a victim...I had to tell myself that it was just a senseless act, and that it wasn%26#039;t my fault. The man got 10 years, and after the act he promised that he would come after me and my family. I knew in my heart that if I lived through it, I wasn%26#039;t going to worry about him possibly hurting me or my family when he got out. I just felt comfort that he wouldn%26#039;t be able to harm anyone else for a long time and would be forced to think about what he did...so I was unconcerned. Just knowing where he was helped me to sleep at night, because I saw his face in every man, everywhere I went. It does mess your life up, you just hope and pray that when you do get in a relationship, they are understanding that you require special care. I%26#039;ve been married 25 year and have 3 children.%26quot;For 7 years , before my retirement, I dealt in a field of education which dealt with adolescents.
Some of my clients had been raped.
It changed their perspectives as it took away the innocence of their childhood.
Their lives will never be the same.
