Sunday 5 June 2011

Which should you change first to make you a better person, your attitude or your behavior? Why?

Just a simple question, do you change your behavior first or you attitude in order for you to be a better person? Why?





I%26#039;m dealing with a teenager with problems and need to understand how to aproach the situation. The situation is not important, I%26#039;m just wondering if we need to work on behavior or attitude...?|||i would say attitude, because,


if you can give this teen a different outlook at the situation, it may change his/her attitude toward the situation....once the attitude changes - the behavior will change.


get creative, think back to when you were a teen.........


GOOD LUCK!|||I believe it is attitude. Once the attitude gets adjusted, I think the behavior will follow|||Behavior, attitude will follow.|||The behavior ought to come first, I think. I have heard it said that %26quot;we can%26#039;t think our way into right actions, but we can act our way into right thinking.%26quot;|||I think sometimes that attitude affects behavior. If someone is in a good mood their behavior is also good? Does this help?|||your attitude and your behavior will follow. Because you put goodness in you get goodness in return.|||I think it depends on the situation, in general, I%26#039;d have said the attitude because PERCEPTION pretty much rules the way we interact or respond to stimuli in the world.





However, take smoking. I stopped smoking but really felt resistant. I still did it because it was the right thing to do (this is over 10 years ago!) but my attitude wasn%26#039;t %26quot;with it.%26quot; It took years to actually be a %26quot;happy ex-smoker%26quot; (one who feels sure she never wants to do it again).|||Change your attitude first,then your behavior will follow.|||behavior first...then attitude.





stop smoking so you don%26#039;t pollute your body...then you can work on being %26quot;happy%26quot; about it.





stop punching people and you won%26#039;t go to jail...then you can work on interpersonal relationships.





start treating your parents with respect...then they will learn to respect you...then you will develop self-respect.|||You could argue both points, I think. People might say that you can%26#039;t change the output unless you change the reason behind that output, so you would have to address attitude first. I believe, and tend to practice, the idea that if you embrace a certain behaviour...your attitude can change along with it. For instance, I found myself a couple of years ago making rather stereotypical, generic comments of Hispanic people and I sounded racist. So, I signed up to help assist in an ESL class. My attitude didn%26#039;t change overnight, but my behavior was different as I was interacting with Hispanics, and I never had before. And my attitude changed because of the behaviors that I adopted. If you have a teenager, they are old enough to understand that sometimes you have to act a certain way even if you feel like being another way (i.e. being polite to a rude teacher, not hitting a classmate, listening to poeple in authorative positions) and they should be able to adjust their behaviors and hopefully their attitude can change as well, and if it doesn%26#039;t, at least they are behaving correctly. If you thye can%26#039;t control their behaviors, despite their attitude, then you have bigger problems than just a rotten attitude. You have a teenager who won%26#039;t listen to authority and can%26#039;t except other points of view and who might have trouble adapting to society%26#039;s expectations.|||behavior first! you must restore control and sanity...





... and yet attitude may be necessary to get anywhere at all so





do your best and work on both and try to get some outside help as well, AND





consider Alanon... it will transform your life and give you WHAT YOU NEED... give it a try and good luck


.


http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/鈥?/a>


.|||Attitude determines behavior, so one must change the attitude first, and then behavior follows|||Free your mind, and your @ss will follow. Attitude first, I think.|||He who seperates himself indulges his desires and shows contempt for sound advise of any kind. (Proverbs 18:1)





To act without knowing how you function is not good; and if you rush ahead you will miss your goal.(19:2)





A person is responsible to prepare his heart, but how the tongue speaks is from Adonai. (16:1)





Giving an honest answer is like giving a kiss.(24:26)





With patience a ruler can be won over, and a gentle tongue can break bones. (25:15)





Above everything else, guard your heart; for it is the source of life%26#039;s consequences. Keep crooked speech out of your mouth, banish deciet from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze on what lies in front of you. Level the path for your feet, let all your ways be properly prepared; tehn deviate neither right nor left; and keep your foot far from evil. (4:23-27)





I hope this helps. Your behavior is a reflection of your thoughts, and your thoughts are reflected by your behavior.





All the answers you need, are written in the book of life, and if you lean not on your own understanding, but on the word of God, your paths will be set straight before you. The best thing you can do for this troubled teen, is show by example.|||Almost all behavior is based on a belief system or attitude.


First,


(1)Perhaps you could consider changing your approach when dealing with the situation. Remember words have %26quot;energy%26quot; and if you tweak your approach a bit


and say that the two of you are attempting to solve a problem together.


(If this is a Parent/Child relationship I%26#039;m assuming you would both like to express love to each other more and have a peaceful relationship.)





(2) Base your problem solving on mutual respect.





You may want to consider changing your mind set when communicating with him/her


Your statement is , %26quot;I%26#039;m dealing with a teenager with problems%26quot;


Words have an energy


Try this idea %26quot;I%26#039;m dealing with a teenager who is discovering who they are, and I would like to help.%26quot;





I think that if you each sit down and write what your ideal outcome would be and then share it with each other. You can see what you have in common and I%26#039;ll bet it is more similar than you may assume now.





(3) Look at how each of you can compromise and find a place to start.





(4)


Get human - tell him or her something real about you.


ie: your insecurity%26#039;s , struggles and how you worked it out.


Ask them to share the same with you.





I also Highly suggest that you watch the %26quot;Secret%26quot; together - you can watch it online or buy a copy, borrow a copy.


here is a link to the site:


http://www.thesecret.tv/





Most of all be kind|||Either and both.





If you gave a hint of a clue as to what is going on, we might be able to make reasonable suggestions.





As others have said: behavior flows from attitude; and attitude flows from behavior.





People have been able to change their thinking, and find their behavior changes; and people have changed their behavior, and found their thinking changes.





The interaction between these, and the nature of change itself is anything BUT simple.





Short answer: change the one that seems changeble or that the person is willing to change.





I highly recommend you get yourself a copy of Virginia Axline%26#039;s Play Therapy (the principles apply to older kids -- even if play isn%26#039;t the main mode).





When you try to change someone, they tend to resist.





You%26#039;re telling them that they are not acceptable as a human being the way they are.





They probably are the way they are because everyone in their lives has always been communicating this very message.





If you listen to the teen, and really grasp what they%26#039;re saying, and why they feel as they do, and accept them for who they are, that can give them the emotional space to reexamine how they feel and act, and come to new ways of being on their own.





When you try to get them to change, it%26#039;s just much less effective.





Uh, and, the situation is SO important -- knowing something about it would have been helpful.





If this person wants to change, that, too, would make a big difference in how to proceed.





But if they don%26#039;t (you don%26#039;t give a sex, and I hate writing filled with she/he all over the place), then they won%26#039;t -- people can rarely be argued out of things they didn%26#039;t reason their way to.