My husband and I have been separated for 2 and a half years... and I am just running out of strength. We have been married for 17 years with one child 16. He has been in the military for 20, has retired. He moved to the States 2 years ago, it was a transfer. Our daughter went to a school in a different country so I stayed back so she could continue her education. Now it has been time for her to go to high school for a while, but he seems to be coming up with every excuse for us not to move to the states, saying he wants to come back to the other country. I am pretty strong, had to be all these years since he was always gone and I had to take care of things. He also saw some action. Anyway, I feel I am hanging on by a thread. He is closed off, he refuses to give me reasurances, tells me he loves me but is not sure if he wants to be with me, maybe just friends, but I should always be there but then he cant imagine a life without me.... I feel I am being played for a fool. The only problem is that I really do love him. He is a good guy and he says he is in a bad place right now (combat veteran) I feel though, he wants to be with me when life isn't going too good, but as soon as it starts looking up for him, I am the friend. Yes he has cheated on me, I caught him. My problem is I just can't let go. I can't forgive him and move on. There is anger inside of me and hate and I know that is bad if I try to stay in this relationship or if he decides to as well. What should I do? I keep reading these books on how to change your life, attitude etc. and it sounds wonderful, just change the way you think. If you love yourself you won't depend on somebody else loving and so forth. I know it, but you know, I would just finally like some security and someone to come home to me and tell me that I am great and that he loves me and wants to be with me. Is that just too romantic? Should I just walk? It is a bit complicated.Should I hang in there or not?Reading motivational books are great but remember you cannot change him you can only change you. As for your marriage that is a decision that you have to make I do believe that divorce is a last step but sometimes enough is just enough. Either he wants you or he doesn't and the fact of the matter is there are always more fish in the sea. If he wants you and ul daughter to be there he would stop making excuses . Unfortunately it sounds like he wants to have you there as his spare shoe. You are not his sweetheart you are his wife.
Alot of spouses step back and allow their spouses to do as they wish and this is not acceptable . Having ur own space only goes so far and you cannot sit back and allow him to hurt you. I am sure that it is hard but ask him straight out if he wants to be with you and that saying hat he is not in a good place is not an answer. Asking this question is scary because he may say NO so be prepared for that . And if he says no then it is his lost there are alot of men out there dying to find a faithful woman. You need to figure out your self worth and my dear believe you are so much more than you think you are . If he does not want you to come be straight upo with him and tell him that you will not wait forever and give him an ultimatum you would be surprised the difference you see in him when he sees hows strong you are and that you can live without him .Should I hang in there or not?Wow! Have you the money to just come on unexpectedly? Just drop in and see what happens. Is it possible your man is leading a double life? With you in another country he feels you won't find out! Not many would have stuck it out as long as you have.
You deserve to have the security you desire.Should I hang in there or not?if he wouldn't have cheated, i'd stay hang in there. he doesn't give you much to hold on to on top of the betrayal. i understand you love this man, us women usually hold on way too long, but if you dont get back what you give, its not a situation you want to be in.
i am sorry you are going through this, military marriages are very, very difficult because of the separation.
