Wednesday 26 October 2011

What approach should i take to change my mothers attitude?

i am 18, a very mature 18. there are times when my mother will come to ME for advice on life. the problem is (and this is mostly my fault) since we come from a very strong and strict Jamaican background, ive been brought up to do what your parents say to do and let then talk to you however they feel but i dear not say anything in your defense. well, in not a little girl anymore and she still feels like she can say anything to me and i should just sit back and agree wth her. last night we got into it and i said %26quot; if i have a point, i feel as if i am entitled to it and should be able to express it.%26quot; she replies saying %26quot; and who are you to be arguing with me?%26quot; it was at that point that i realized that she has no respect for me. if i cant curse at her, why must she feel like its appropriate to curse at me? anyway, my question is, how can i help change her attitude? im tired of her attitude and demeanor and it makes me want to not respect her, but i dont want to take that route.What approach should i take to change my mothers attitude?Actually the culture is the problem and your mother thrive in that ,and she will not budge away from her heritage. You won't get her to see or respect your opinions or thoughts until you don't have to be accountable for them outside the home. I gather you live at home on her turf, and she is playing the upper hand of under my roof do what I say. I am not sure where (country) you live, and whether you can move out on your own. I am afraid she won't budge on her stubbornness and disrespect for you until you live at different addresses. Face it, she's wrong, and you won't accomplish anything but more tension and cursing. Don't have those chats with her, and do what you feel you should. She will do what she wants to do anyway. Someday you will move out and have more to stand on as you won't have to face her unless you choose to visit. She will learn the way of hard knocks by not having you over as much. (who wants to be treated like a child?)
What approach should i take to change my mothers attitude?
It sounds like you are. You need to earn respect and by showing your mother that you are hardworking, honest, respectful and have self control, she will slowly change her ways. If you talk to her, it may work, If you let her know that it hurts you when she says those things she may listen. You need to do that when you are not heated. You have a valid point. It may just be a few years before it can make it to your mother.
What approach should i take to change my mothers attitude?
First of all, nobody should be cursing at anyone. Besides showing a lack of respect, it's not productive.



Wait until your mother is in a calm mood. Sit down with her and explain that you'd like to lay some groundwork for dealing with conflict. Then try to get her to agree to a structure. For instance, the person who is upset could say, without interruption, what is upsetting them. Then the other person could voice again what they said, to be sure it was clear; then answer. You could agree that noone curses and noone raises their voice. You could also agree that if the discussion is not going according to these rules, it will end for 20 minutes, and then you'll try again. Whatever structure you think will help. Each person should ALWAYS have to voice back what they've heard, to make sure each truly listens to the other.



Even if your Mom is game to try this, it will take several tries before it starts to take shape. When people are upset, it's hard to stop and follow the rules. But, if you can get in the habit of controlling how you deal with each other, you could come up with some more appropriate solutions.



Good luck.
My mother does the same crap to me and I'm 27. I've learned that I could be 50 and she will still think of me as a little girl and nothing I say really matters because she is always right. And that seems odd because she's asking you for advice but if shes like my mom then she just wants to hear herself b****. I've learned that I can't really do anything to change her but I did finally tell her I wasn't her psychologist and since she wasn't going to take any of my advice she needed to stop dumping on me. Of course she didn't listen to that either but now when she starts doing it i either change the subject completely or make an excuse to hang up the phone or leave the room. I really feel for you, good luck.